The enchanted skip

And lo! did Naich go rummaging in the Cav. skips in search of a bit of metal that would hold his reservoir securely in his chiller box.  Praying to Ceilliau Blewog, the goddess of salvage, he dived head first into the metals skip.  And in her wisdom Ceilliau Blewog did deliver unto his hand the […]

Not funny

Have a look at this story – Headline: “Million children ‘severely maltreated’, says NSPCC”. Holy shit! “One in four people in the UK, aged between 18 and 24, claims to have experienced severe violence, sexual abuse or neglect as a child, says the children’s charity the NSPCC.” Then you read the article and find […]

A cunning plan

Here’s how to get rich. 1.  Hire an empty shop for a couple of weeks. 2.  Find a sofa/bed/whatever shop that is doing one of these “if you can find it cheaper, we’ll give you double the difference” deals. 3.  Buy a sofa/bed/whatever from the shop. 4.  Sell  it in your shop at 1/2 the […]

Got the bastards!

They’re caught in a nut, they can’t swim out, because I don’t want any more babies… I’ve got the all-clear letter framed and hung above the bed.

Swimming against the tide

You would have thought that two vasectomies would be enough to stop the little buggers getting through, but no.  The first set of tests have come back positive for (frankly quite impressive) swimmers.  I’m shortly going to be cracking off with what will be my 10th test since I started this whole thing, and I’m […]

I have a dream

Mine wasn’t as noble as MLK’s. I dreamed I was sleeping with Bruce Forsythe for his money. It was horrible. He was all wrinkly and smelt of gin.

The ways of the Jedi

Got Wibs Star Wars Lego for the PS2 and we had a 2 player game before one of the controllers broke. Wibs: “Daddy – why did you kill Jar Jar Binks?” Me: “Sorry, it was an accident” Wibs: “Daddy – don’t kill Jar Jar Binks” Me: “Sorry Wibs, I mistook him for someone else” Wibs: […]

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a dustbin?

It’s my new bike.  Behold: She is a mixture of Taliban (wheels, front brakes, gears), Jedward (seat, pedals, mudguard, handlebars) and the skip-rescue bike, which I called Black Death.  In order to commemorate the unholy union of 3 shitty bikes, her name is Jelideath.  Let her name ring down through the ages whenever a shit […]

A bike called Jedward

Sorry, I don’t really have anything much to say about curry at the moment.  It’s been ages since I had one and I think I’m beginning to forget what they taste like.  Tragic. But on to Ebay – I just put this advert on there, for Jedward my faithful steed: A bike called Jedward He’s […]

In 20 years…

Jimbo will have turned into some sort of terrifying super villain: Yay!  Go Jimbo!