What is it? It’s a trip to the vets and a bill that will get you hurking up white frothy phlegm too.
In the same way Victorian asylum owners would allow honoured guests to poke their unfortunate inmates with sharp sticks, here for your amusement are the search phrases that have brought people to my blog. People who were desperately searching for answers to real problems, only to find themselves here, having the piss taken out of them. Piss and yellow poo. Hee hee, snurk.
- prius car bandsaw – is that one shaped like the other or the best way to use one on the other?
- toddler cough symptom weasel sound – Has your toddler gotten a lot more hairy recently? Grown a bushy tail, a pointy nose and whiskers? You remember when you went for that picnic in the woods and you put your toddler down on the ground while you did up your shoelace? There’s a possibility you might have picked up something other than your child.
- toddler gets constant colds – Tell me about it. And any other disease that comes within 10 feet of them. Nibbles treated us to some fairly serious constipation recently and didn’t poo for a couple of days. He decided to let go just as I was running a belt-full of shopping through the till at Tescos. The nappy he was in didn’t stand a chance of containing the explosion and he almost blew a hole in the trolley seat. That was a fun drive home. Oh, and he’s got another cold now.
- blinking light in my bmw x3 – Yeah it’s supposed to do that. It’s called an indicator light and it shows other people what you are about to do with your fuck-ugly tank. You know that sticky out thing on the side of the steering column that you hang your handbag on? Try moving it up and down. See? That makes those orange lights blink. Now, believe it or not, there ARE other people on the road, and telling them where you are about to turn means they can take steps to avoid being crushed to death under the wheels of your Panzer.
- vomit blog kids – Now that’s a catchy name for a group of perky Web 2.0 teenagers with a video camera and a desperate lust for pointless fame on YouTube. It’s the Vomit Blog Kids! *dah de dah de dah* “Dudes! This week it’s vinegar! *Blooaargh*” etc. etc. Who am I kidding? It’s probably been done so much it’s passÃ©e. It’s probably happy stabbing or something equally revolting that’s in vogue now.