{"id":36,"date":"2008-05-28T11:14:15","date_gmt":"2008-05-28T11:14:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/?p=36"},"modified":"2008-05-28T14:05:29","modified_gmt":"2008-05-28T14:05:29","slug":"wardrobe-nipples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wardrobe-nipples\/","title":{"rendered":"Lobster nipples"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to the search engine words that bring people here, the chunky carrot floodgates have opened and I&#8217;m up to my metaphorical knees in digital puke.  Let&#8217;s get the technicolour yawns out of the way first:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>&#8220;does cocaine make you vomit&#8221;, <span>&#8220;dog symptom white frothy vomit&#8221;, &#8220;<\/span><span>toddler yellow vomit&#8221;, &#8220;<\/span><\/strong><span><strong>dog coughing and vomiting white frothy&#8221;<\/strong> etc. etc..<\/span><span>.  I don&#8217;t know if it&#8217;s all this vomit talk, but I feel sick.  I would look up my symptoms on Google, but it seems I&#8217;d just end up back here.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;how to get used to vomit&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>. Look after a baby for a few weeks and you will become old friends with the entire rainbow of bodily fluids the little chap can fire in your direction.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span>Now we&#8217;ve got that out of our system (and in a steaming puddle on the floor), let&#8217;s get down to&#8230; well, more bodily functions.<br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;zoe ball farts&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  She probably does.  I&#8217;ll bet Gandhi and Mussolini farted too, but I don&#8217;t see why I&#8217;d need to look it up on Google to confirm it.  Anyone got any ideas why her rectal emissions keep cropping up?<br \/>\n<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;anal celery&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  YES!!!! It&#8217;s been a few months since I seeded those words, but it had to bring someone in eventually.   Someone who likes poking celery up their bottom.   Now I&#8217;ve had success with that, I&#8217;ll try something a bit more obscure.  Let&#8217;s see if &#8220;lobster nipples&#8221; hooks anyone in.  This is a bit like reverse googlewhacking, but a fraction of the fun.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;naich in nails&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  I think you meant &#8220;Naich <strong>is<\/strong> nails&#8221;, and why yes, I am hard as fucking nails.  Thank you.  Either that or you were typing &#8220;nine inch nails&#8221; with fingers the size of cucumbers.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;naked nibbl&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  Sounds like fun. But if you are doing it in the kitchen, don&#8217;t get into a squabl about dribbl on the tabl.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;prius bumper whiskers&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  <em>The <\/em>latest fashion accessory for your faux green vehicle.  Make your car look like Stalin with a huge bushy bumper moustache.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;i-strut crimping&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  Now, this could just be the way my mind works, but this conjures up an image of John Travolta in a white suit, dancing on a flashing disco floor in the style of someone who is desperately trying to hold in a large pooh whilst franticly searching his pockets for 10p for the public bogs.  But that could just be me.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong><span>&#8220;medised doesn&#8217;t work&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><span>.  It just makes you worse.<\/span> But I know I&#8217;ll see your face again.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That&#8217;ll do for now.  Don&#8217;t forget those lobster nipples.  You never know when you&#8217;ll need them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When it comes to the search engine words that bring people here, the chunky carrot floodgates have opened and I&#8217;m up to my metaphorical knees in digital puke. Let&#8217;s get the technicolour yawns out of the way first: &#8220;does cocaine make you vomit&#8221;, &#8220;dog symptom white frothy vomit&#8221;, &#8220;toddler yellow vomit&#8221;, &#8220;dog coughing and vomiting [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-google-dregs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naich.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}