The road warrior who tucks his trousers into his socks.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a good rant about the shower of bastards I encounter on the roads. I’m not commuting through Cambridge itself any more, so I don’t encounter so many of them. Also, although my route is over twice as long now, it uses quite a few cycle paths of varying lethality, …
Sorry, you’ve got me started on the Vectra now. The Vectra’s central locking has 2 “features” I’ve not seen on other cars – one press of the remote unlocks the driver’s door and you need another press to unlock the rest of the doors and the boot and filler cap. The reason for this is …
It’s my new bike. Behold: She is a mixture of Taliban (wheels, front brakes, gears), Jedward (seat, pedals, mudguard, handlebars) and the skip-rescue bike, which I called Black Death. In order to commemorate the unholy union of 3 shitty bikes, her name is Jelideath. Let her name ring down through the ages whenever a shit …
Sorry, I don’t really have anything much to say about curry at the moment. It’s been ages since I had one and I think I’m beginning to forget what they taste like. Tragic. But on to Ebay – I just put this advert on there, for Jedward my faithful steed: A bike called Jedward He’s …
Taliban, my “new” bike* has got a sticker on it, proudly announcing that it’s made from “Ferrocarbon”. Wow! That’s some super space-age high-tech stuff, surely? Oh, hang on. “Ferro” = iron? Iron and carbon… oh yes, that’s steel. So it’s got a steel frame. Wow. That’s great. So much better than manky old aluminium or …
One of the best ever letters to Viz Magazine has to be the one from a Mr. KWZ 625V of Hull, who suggested “rather than buy an expensive personalised number plate, simply change your name to match your existing one”. It makes sense, especially as the UK numberplate system is that much more inflexible than …
So you think you might have what it takes to be a BMW driver, eh? You’ve got the money, you’ve got a hankering for some German metal, but do you have the right attitude? Not everyone is cut out to be in command of the Ultimate (Crap) Driving Machine ™ and the following questions will …
I almost got run over by a bus as I was cycling home the other day. People jumping red traffic lights is a common enough occurance round here but – and I don’t know why – it’s somehow a bit more shocking when it’s a fucking great green double decker bastard fucking bus. Sorry for …
I had an interesting conversation with a BMW driver this morning. Well, the conversation itself wasn’t all that great (as you’ll see later); what made it interesting was the fact that it happened at all, that it contained more than 2 words, wasn’t shouted and didn’t have accompanying hand gestures. Let’s be plain here – …